Monday, September 5, 2011

Why Leonardo DiCaprio's Acting Career Is Synonymous For A Three Day Weekend In College

Everyone looks forward to days off. Generally because it means no school (or work), which we all love, right?
Right. Until the weekend is a giant expanse of time to fill. Because it is.
You see, there are varying levels of time. There's the Sitting In Trig time, which is slower than anything you've ever seen before. There's Mom Time, which has been scientifically proven to be in a different time zone, varying from 1-3 hours behind. There's Theater Time, which is always early. There's Toddler Time, which only refers to NOW (this is similar to Food Time, which usually occurs when people are hungry, and involve somebody wanting food NOW). There's Awkward Time, which is agonizingly slow, because you are stuck in a completely awkward conversation. These will last days in your time, five minutes in regular time. Lastly, there is College Time. This is almost as slow as Awkward Time (not quite as slow as Sitting In Trig Time though), but because it lasts an entire semester, it seems like an endless black hole of time.
We've all been here a little over a week, and we all swear we've been here three months. At least. Each day here is worth about four or five days. Those are the regular school days. The weekend is worth a month in and of itself.
Which is great, because you will feel like you will have time to do absolutely everything. Yes, you can go to class. And go out to dinner. And go to a party afterwards. And then late-night food after that. And then go back to your dorm and watch a movie. And then hang out for an hour. And then go do homework. Yes, College Time is similar to Dog Years. So, for the most part, it's wonderful. You have time to do absolutely everything (including writing blogs that no one reads because you enjoy hearing yourself talk. Or write. Or type. Same thing.) and you won't be rushing around. Unlike high school time (especially Senior Time, which means it will ALWAYS be one in the morning, and you will ALWAYS have a term paper due the next day, and time will ALWAYS go by much too quickly), you'll have the freedom of free time and relaxation. So your entire day feels productive and not at all stressful. There's even time for naps. It's like heaven, for all of you high schoolers out there reading this.
And then you have a three day weekend. The things we longed for in elementary school, in junior high, in high school. But then when you take a three day weekend and convert it into College Time, you get an infinite slate of NOTHING. It's like living in limbo in Inception. You saw how crazy Leonardo DiCaprio's wife went up in there? Yeah, exactly. It's like living in a building with zombies who stare at the wall with empty stares and repeat the same thing over and over again: "I don't want to read. I don't want to study. I don't want to do homework." Speaking of, doesn't that remind you of another one of Leo's movies? Shutter Island. Yeah, picture Shutter Island. That's kind of what an extra day off is like in College Time. A cross between Shutter Island and limbo in Inception. If you add in a boat, you've got themes from every significant Leonardo DiCaprio movie ever made. (No, The Aviator doesn't count.) You don't know if anything's real anymore, you don't know if your roommate is secretly trying to figure out if you killed your family, you don't know if you're dreaming, you don't know if the people around you are figments of your subconscious, you don't know if you're going to die a horrific death drowning after the love of your life promises never to let go and then LETS GO. (Come to think of it, it was raining today, so the water/drowning thoughts could occur, so Titanic really does figure in here. Thus, Leo's acting career = college three day weekend.)
On top of that, because it is raining today (And yeah, it's early September. I should be wearing shorts right now, not jeans and a sweater. And BOOTS.), we all feel like it's November or something, solidifying the thought that we've been here several months, and are now stuck in some weird limbo time.
In short, I'm terrified that I'm going to show up to class tomorrow and find Leonardo DiCaprio spinning a top at the front of my class.

1 comment:

  1. But then you'd have a very attractive actor in your class. I think you'd be very ok with that :)